OOS: Oh dear, I forgot to include my reply to Sarge! I'm sorry!!
---
[ Symka 3, Café Bleu: ]
*A waitress hands USarge a cup of coffee*
Waitress: *In a bubbly, chirpy voice* Oh, my, are you all looking for that madwoman Haruko Haruhara? I've heard she's unpredictable and hard to find!
Jade: *Jumps excitedly* Can you give us some help in finding her, miss!?
Waitress: Oh, my. How can I help you find Haruko Haruhara? *Voice has steadily shifted to become nasally and petulant*
Galestorm: ...! *Tackles USarge to the floor* HIT THE DIRT FNG!!
Waitress: How can I help you find Haruko Haruhara when I am already here!!? *Whips off her wig, showing her bright cotton candy-pink hair*
Jade: Woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof!! *Is starting to form a gravitational well out of agitation, because that's now a thing she can do when she's agitated I just decided*
Haruko: Relaaaaax. I'm juuust here because I heard you guys were going to try and get into the Medical Mechanica building. I have a cunning plan to get inside.
Galestorm: *Protectively lays on top of USarge, even though he's a few heads taller* And does this cunning plan involve a van covered in Team Dai Gurren decals bashing its way into the building while blasting Ace of Spades over a P.A. system?
Haruko: That is merely Phase One. Phase Two is when we get highly technical. It involves a flamethrower and my guitar.
Galestorm: Bitchin' how we do? *Still remains protective of USarge*
Haruko: Only if Sargey is fine with it.
Jade: Don't call him Sargey.
Haruko: What are you gonna do about it?
Jade: I'm going to shrink you down into the microcosm.
Haruko: A strong deterrent that will be heeded. Sarge?
*All eyes are on him*
~ ~ ~
[ Hei Fon 4, Conquistadores Guildhouse: ]
*By now, the area is dotted by craters*
*Minervy and Erza are both panting heavily, looking about ready to topple*
Erza: ...Requip: Purgatory Armor. *Begins to be surrounded by a whirl of black smoke*
*However, she's hit by a flurry of glowing leaves before it takes effect, leaving her in her default Heart Kreuz armor*
*The leaves form into a cyclone, lift her up into the air, and set her down on a chair on the new Guildhouse's patio*
Minervy: Qufang stoppit we were having fun!! *Finds another cyclone of leaves lifting her up*
*She's deposited into a seat across from Erza, and both find their weapons carried away by leaves and set neatly in the four chairs left*
*Just as she's about to jump to her feet, Minervy finds a paw rested on her hand*
*She looks up to see, and I am not joking, a Renamon staring coldly down at her*
*Don't believe me?*
- Spoiler:
Minervy: You know for having an icicle up yer @ss you sure like to play pranks
urk. *Finds her shoulder gripped more and more tightly until she can feel claws* Sowwy.
Qufang?: No you're not. Don't apologize unless you mean it. *Turns her calm gaze to Erza* On behalf of the Summer Pillars, I would like to apologize for Earth Chapter's transgressions. They did not harm anyone in your town, I assure you.
Erza: ... *Remains silent, choosing to not attack for the time being* ...
Minervy: Whaddya mean!!? And who gave you the authority to step in!!? You're only the leader of Leaf Chapter!! Chapters of the Summer Pillars ain't allowed to interfere with each other's Guild Battles!! Those are the rules and you know it, Qufang!!
Qufang: I'll explain. Your right-hand and left-hand men have been defeated.
---
*The masked warrior is on the ropes*
*From the darkskinned girl's fingertips fly cat-eared apparitions, lunging and nipping at their target with playful ferocity*
*Meanwhile, the smallish girl occasionally takes a deep breath, only to exhale a powerful bullet of whirling air that disperses if it misses*
*With a lucky hit, she sends the masked mage spinning through the air down the street*
*Crashing through a number of moving crates that had been abandoned, he groans*
*Knocked unconscious, he simply rests there pitifully as the two girls cheer*
*His staff, however, gives an odd rattle as they high five...*
---
*Battling Miki, the beast tamer has been driven facedown into the pavement*
*He finds Miki crouched atop him, as a little ball of fire floats over to her shoulder*
*Returning to the form of her pet bird, the little magical creature chirps disapprovingly at the young man*
Beast Tamer: ...I concede defeat. I apologize for bringing trou -
Miki: Shaddap! No one got hurt! Don't be a sissy!!
Beast Tamer: Yes ma'am.
---
Minervy: What...? But, but, but they trained so hard~!
Qufang: *Ignores her* And you know from experience that no Chapter of the Summer Pillars can engage a Guild Battle without the approval of one of the Guildmasters. As well, when appointed by a Guildmaster of the Summer Pillars, any other Chapters may step in to prevent such debacles as you've nearly caused here. What do you think Conquistadores Guildmaster Zev would do if you had hurt innocent people on his turf?
Minervy: Well, uh, I was just thinking - Guaaah~! *Finds one of her braids yanked on to bring her around to look Qufang dead in the eye*
Qufang: That is precisely the problem. You
weren't thinking. You weren't thinking about the dangers, you weren't thinking about our Guild's reputation, you weren't thinking about any of the problems you've caused by these whims in the past. God. If Guildmaster Persia hadn't found out that you weren't at H.Q., who knows what you could have done?
Minervy: *Goes pale as a sheet* Guh-guh-guh-gwah-guh-Guildmaster Persia's here!!? She's on this continent!!? Please Qufang, you have to hide me!! She'll eat me!! I'm scared!! *Presses her face into Qufang's ruff of fur and hugs her tightly* ... *Shakes quietly*
*She abruptly feels her face pressed into something curved, hard, and distinctly wooden; as she opens her eyes, she finds that she is now hugging an abandoned log tightly*
Qufang: *Stands perched expertly atop a stack of such logs* Yes. She's been here this whole time. She was napping under that table.
Minervy: *Squeals in terror as two sets of three long magenta claws/fingers, covered in bejeweled rings, reach up and grasp the edge of the table* ...!! *Hyperventilates as a pair of feline ears poke up, twitching tiredly*
*Her chair topples backwards and she rolls herself off of the patio in order to escape the perceived threat, making terrified choking noises*
*From under the table, an appealing feline with many gems stands up and looks around, a tiny, slightly oblivious smile on her face*
- Spoiler:
Qufang: Erza Scarlet, I introduce you to Joint-Guildmaster of the Summer Pillars, Persia.
Persia: *Yawns tiredly, claws held over face* Nya~~~~~n. Minervy, why did you run away? I was just going to give you a hug! Come back, I won't bite~!
Minervy: *From the timing of her jump and squeak of fear, she clearly only heard the word "bite" out of that entire statement* Please, please Guildmaster Persia, a thousand apologies, I'm so so so so so so sooo sorry!! Please don't eat me
oh God please!!Persia: *Licks lips absentmindedly, making Minervy shriek and flail* Is there fish cooking somewhere? I can smell it! *Sniffs at the air, smiling contentedly*
*At that moment, Mirajane walks out carrying a huge platter of cooked fish*
*She promptly stops short at the sight of the outside field - Completely decimated by craters and with the supplies still needed for finishing the Guildhouse barely missed by the fight*
Persia: Oh my, it's Miss Mirajane Strauss! And she has fish~! *Instantly appears at her side* May I have some? Pretty pleeease?
Qufang: *Articulates one paw/hand into a seal*
On. Dansu o nokoshi, rei wa itazura o suru. *Throws hand forward, loosing a mass of energy*
*Leaves from all over swirl overhead, then begin to descend as leaf sprite shikigami*
Qufang:
Dance of the Twenty-Five Score Shikigami. *Lowers hand towards the field out front of the Guildhouse*
Coalesce and regenerate.*The leaf shikigami begin glowing and sinking into the field, converting themselves slowly into caps that fill the damaged earth*
Persia: *Is already munching on crisply-cooked fish* This is delicious, Miss Strauss!
Mirajane: ... *Laughs merrily* This seems like a Guild after our own heart, huh, Erza?
Minervy: *Curled up in the fetal position* Dun wanna get eaten like a fish...
Erza: Do you mean another motley crew of madmen?
Mirajane: Exactly! *Offers Persia some sauces*
Erza: Then yes. We'll get along perfectly.
Persia: Oh! Qufang! Didn't Burger Burger come along with us?
Qufang: Yes, but I think he went ahead of us. No idea where -
Erza: Is this him? *Awkwardly points down at a creature standing beside her*
- Spoiler:
Persia: Burger Burger, there you are~! Please, give our new friends some snacks!
Burger Burger: Yum! Yes'm! *Claps hands once, twice, thrice, steadily gathering some kind of energy to his tiny hands*
*As he finally brings his hands apart, he's formed a tray with several huge burgers and a massive box of fries*
Erza: I don't eat fast food. It's not suitable to a warrior's lifestyle.
Burger Burger: Real beef, charbroiled! Real potatoes, fried in vegetable oil! Fresh green pickles, top-grade natural lettuce, do I need to go on, Miss?
Erza: I will try one if you'll stop badgering me. *Snatches a burger up and takes a bite*
*In no time, she's scarfed down that burger and two more*
Buger Burger: Enjoy~! My food contains healing magic!
~ ~ ~
[ ???, Jane's Planet: ]
*A long line of tire tracks has been left behind*
*In her Dad's car, Jane is burning rubber back to the house exhilaratedly*
*Sat proudly in the driver's seat, it just so happens that she hasn't crashed into a single thing!*
*
KRSH-BANG-BANG-vrrrrrmmmmmmmmsssshhhhh...*
*That is until she goes over a steep hill and parks the car halfway-through the roof*
*Hopping out easily, Jane navigates her way down off of the rooftiles and onto a balcony*
*There, she finds an Alchemiter set out and prepared for her to use*
*On her Sylladex, she finds that an extra bar has been added with a small number-input function positioned right beside it*
*Just randomly putting in "612", she finds that it brings up a Captcha Code in the bar*
*Excitedly logging it into the Alchemiter, she finds the grist cost pops up on a screen*
[ 1,000 Tar, 1,000 Shale, 306 Chalk, 306 Ruby ]*Pressing the activator, the object is created on the platform with a flash of light*
*It appears to be a spoon of black metal, but the size of a javelin; wrapped thrice around it just below the head is a "necklace" of large, dull gray beads, and inset ruby gemstones go all the way down the outside of either length*
[ Utensil of the Enlightened has been created. ]Jane: *Picks the object up, admiring it in stunned wonder*
*As she slides her hand down its length, across every ruby on one side, however, the head of the spoon flashes and becomes a fork*
*On a hunch, she slides her hand down again, and finds that it becomes a huge knife - A swipe back up, and it reverts to being a fork, and once more turns it back into a spoon*
Jane: This is simply incredible! Whoever gave these codes to UU has me pegged!!
*She gets ready to commence an Alchemy Binge*