If Then

Then you shall have to wear a sombrero to blend in

If you fail to blend in

Then you are shunned to the Valley Of People Without Sombreros.

If you are shunned to the Valley Of People Without Sombreros

Then become embraced by the town of People in Fedoras

If the Decepticons offer you cake

Then check it for poison

If it hasn't got any poison in it

Then it probably has weapons.

If it doesn't have any weapons

Then it's safe to eat

If you eat it

Then you still die, because you ate what a race of highly advanced mechanical beings consider to be "cake".

If that cake was a lie

Then you wouldn't die

If it was real cake

Then it was the best cake a Decepticon could make.

If Shroom made something go kaboom

Then it would explode off his Abs of Chrome

If Cobra retired

Then MECH would fill their spot

If the ghost of Starscream possessed Cobra Commander

Then there would be two Chris Lattas in one body.

If Megatron got hammier

Then the hamminess would cause the sun to collapse in on itself

If that happened

Then Earth would freeze over

If this happened

Then I would still somehow survive.

If I ruled Cleveland

Then no one would notice because it's just Cleveland

If someone actually noticed

They would say "About damn time someone takes over Cleveland."

If I and Marisa Tomei were one

Then you'd have met Fred Gwynne before he died

If he hadn't died

Then the world would b out of order, and you will have to check back tomorrow

If the bus you are on were flung through the air by a tornado

Then I would land in Oz.

If Klak became the Wizard of Oz

Then San would be Dorothy

If San is Dorothy

Then Ferret would be the witch

If Ferret was the witch

Then she'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!

If Cave Johnson joined BZPB

Then we must begin testing straight away.

If these tests involve temporal paradoxes

Then we're all f#cked

If they don't

Then only the Test Subject is f#cked

If Asved suddenly found himself in The Original Hooters with untold debauchery about

Then Asved would leave and apologize to his wife, Lsot.

If Lsot had a kid.

Then his name would be Hcild

If I knew how to pronounce that

Then your mind would explode.

If Monday mornings weren't as dull

Then they would become Wednesdays.

If Julian Assange joined BZPB....

Then he would only post once and disappear forever

If he actually stayed

Then he would expose our secrets to the public......even Christmas 2005.

If the world knew about Christmas 2005

Then the public would be very confused, as we didn't exist in 2005 as a group.

If Bozo the Clown was released on good behavior

Then he would stop being a clown, and instead use his entertainment efforts to help the poor.

If you give a mouse a cookie

Then the colony will eat your face.

Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day, but
IF you teach a man to fish

You'll feed him until the lake runs out of fish

If the lake ran out of fish

Then that would be a load of tish.

If the lake suddenly had more fish

Then the Spanish would come and take them all

If Klak understood that joke

Then I would become one with the Force.

If I was a Jedi

Then Zordon would, I don't know, sense great....fear? In you. You can not be a Power Ranger.

If [world.dominated=true]

Then wot.

If I knew what Ynot meant by that

Then you would know everything there is to know

If Klak were to find out something else

Then his mind would explode

If everyone understood programming language

Then we would all write viruses and the internet would collapse

If we could physically enter the internet to fight the viruses

Then we would be reading on TMNT plots

If you fear the reaper

Then you're an idiot because there's no such thing

If the reaper was real

Then he'd be behind you for telling you so

If a butterfly flaps its wings in central park

Then nothing will actually happen

If a butterfly flaps its wings in a war zone

Then a hurricane sweeps through Japan

If the DEA kicked in your door right now

Then technically they'd be invading a foreign country

If I was actually in America